Is this what you call a ‘new chapter?’

I haven’t slept in days.

Two weeks, actually.

I’ll catch an hour here, and hour or two there, but for some reason, I lie in bed all night long, unable to catch a break from my thoughts. This morning, I watched the sun come up. It crept though my khaki curtains, and blinded me. Forcing me to walk to the kitchen for a glass of water. A kitchen that stands littered with half-packed boxes of odds and ends. Boxes filled with could have beens. With confusion. And news beginnings.

I won’t go into details, but this weekend, I am moving out of my home. To a new home. Technically, it’s not in the same city. Same county, not the same city. Closer to work. Closer to where I wanted to be in the first place. I’m leaving so much behind to focus a bit more on myself. For once. That’s all I’ll say.

And it terrifies me. It scares me. I’ve never been so “spur of the moment.” My life is always full of plans. I’ll eat this meal…that I’ve planned. I’ll work on this drawing…that I’ve planned. I’ll move to this place…like I’ve planned. But this happened so fast. In less than a week, really. And I’m going through with it. No plan. Just going on what I think is best.

But here is the thing about fear.

Fear is what drives us. Comfort is what hinders us. That’s how I’ve always looked at it. Which is why I never want to live in one city for too long. Which is, in part, why I’m scared of commitment. Comfort. I need that fear to drive me. To push me to keep trying new things. To keep reaching for new things. To move. And move. And move. And never get stuck. So rather than letting this comfort take over, like I have done so many times in the past, I’m going to ride out this fear, and see where it takes me.

Here’s to trying new things.

Advertisements

2 comments

  1. ailsamacnab · March 20, 2014

    Great piece of writing, and good luck with your move.

    • sarahcoleua · March 20, 2014

      Thanks so much! I never share anything too personal on here. But sometimes it’s nice to air it out. Thanks for reading.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s